Cockblocker

Is there sex after children? Hell Yes! Not only is there sex after children, [well not immediately after children I'm told (since our Space Invader didn't rip my lady parts up I can't speak from experience)], there can still be great sex after children.  As long as you and your spouse are prepared for the occasional interruption, or "cock blocking" as we like to call it.

Our home before the lovely one we live in now (thanks to the Sarg) was a two bedroom two bathroom apartment with the SI's bathroom right next to our bedroom door. ....After a long day of teasing each other, when we got home from our outing we quickly got her in the shower so we could commence with indulging into our adult cravings.  Just as we were getting ready to begin..uh hm...the space invader began in with her loudest most jazzy version of the ABC's we had ever heard. The very defeated Sarg hung his head and shook it laughing to himself how she is his favorite cock blocker.

Luckily we have gotten smart about locking our door when we awake from some early morning weekend lovin. Because there have been many a time during mid quickie making that have been interrupted by the non stop knocking and asking to come in.

SI: *Knock* *Knock* *Knock* x100 (sometimes I think we let her watch too much Big Bang Theory)
Us: What do you want?
SI: Can I come in?
Us: No
SI: Tries to turn door nob anyway.. with no luck
Us: What do you  need?
SI: I want to watch cartoons! Oh, and... Can you make me pancakes? Now?
Us: *sigh* We'll be out in a minute..... *sigh*

Guess we are not always quick enough.. :-)

The Fear

                As a Not The Mama, I have changed many wet pull ups, washed wet (and dry) sheets, had countless visits by the Space Invader while I am going to the bathroom, spent an innumerable Friday movies nights snuggled on the couch, endured vegetable tantrums of epic proportions, wiped countless tears, kissed countless booboos, taught life skills, helped with nightly homework, done every Disney princess hair do possible, counted to three so many times I can't count, given countless hugs, countless kisses, and even occasionally broken down into inconsolable tears at completely inappropriate times because I miss my little SI and it has only been a day since I have seen her.

Lately this NTM has been walking around constantly full of anxiety and "The Fear". The Fear that the SI's selfish and wishy washy mother will play pretend nice until the Sergeant is deployed, then swoop in, take the SI away from me and demand more money because she has her "full time". Because no matter my marital status to the Sarg, no matter how much I love the SI and take damn good care of her, I have no right as a mother. And if I am lucky, she can grant me visitation rights.

Everyone Poops

I just read a pretty good post on I like beer and babies about pooping, and I was inspired to tell a couple of my own pooping stories.

Anyone with a child who is able to walk around on their own knows they are likely to disrupt your potty sessions. Because if you leave the bathroom door closed and locked they will wreak havoc, thus you are forced to leave it open for them to share in your experience.

 The first deuce dropping experience I got to share with the space invader was when she was four.  We got home from a long day of errand running, and this Not the Mama can't poop just anywhere, so I REALLY had to go. I rushed to the back bathroom, dropped drawer and sat down to enjoy the comfort of my own throne..... maybe ten seconds later I was surprised by the SI opening the unlocked door, with my phone in her hand. She seemed to have given no thought to the fact I was on the pot, and held it up and said "your mom is calling".

My two other favorite poo stories are ones of when the Space Invader was trying to poo:

It was later in the evening and the Space Invader had been pumped full of ooey gooey mac n cheese and decided she needed to unload. She was back in the bathroom while the Sarg, his bro in law, and myself were enjoying some TV, when all of the sudden there was a blood curdling hair curling scream from the bathroom like nothing I had heard before, she came flying out of the bathroom screaming and crying, pants and undies still around her ankles (and no wiping had been done yet either) and straight into my lap. Between upset sobs she said there was a spider on her leg when she was going potty. The Sarg got up to check it out... no spider. The SI REFUSED to return to finish her business unaccompanied in case the "spider" returned. After finishing up her supervised poop, she revealed that she didn't think it was a spider after all, but some hair that had fallen on her lap......

My last poo story, which more like a recurring incident: the child likes to wait until it is 0628 (we leave the house by 0630 to be on time) to decide she has to poop....




PS, the Sarg and I finally had our wedding, and it was GLORIOUS